JoceeeTooFresh.

so if you didn’t know, my Grandpa is in the hospital. we still don’t know if he is gonna make it or not. i feel helpless over here. i mean, we are all the way across the world, there’s nothing we can do. i know i wanted to go back home to the states, but this shouldn’t of had to be the reason. 

i don’t know if i can handle this. i’ve been tryna be strong throughout this whole thing, just tryna stay hopeful, ya’know? but then i look at my mom, and she just sits here and cries. and i feel like i can’t do anything to help her. she is losing her dad. that must be hard. don’t think that i’m all happy, cuuz im not. i just choose not to think about the “worst case scenario” i wanna choose to believe that he will be ohkay, even though thats just a possibility.

i can’t even imagine how everyone else back home feels. i mean, my grandma is losing it, she can’t even think straight or calm down, she can’t handle this right now. and without my grandpa, i dont think she could go through this. and joy, she’s only eleven and she has to go through this. when we used to stay up all night talking, she would say her biggest fear was her dad dying. and she’s so young, she still needs her dad in her life. and the TWiNS. omg, they are only eight years old. they need their dad there to get them through growing up. i would be devastated if i was any of them. everyone is there at the hospital,  freaking out. everyone is crying, and i keep feeling helpless.

everytime i hear the phone ring, im scared. i get scared when my mom answers the phone, cuuz it would be hard to see her so hurt if something bad happened to him while we were still stuck here. she keeps praying for him to at least wait for us to get there. she cries, and jadalynn cries. it hurts cuuz shes soo little, and so hurt. and here i am, not crying at all, blogging and going on the internet. i feel like a bad person. but really i am just tryna keep my mind offa it, otherwise i think i’d go crazy. 

please pray for my grandpa. D;